The Dead Queens Club by Hannah Capin

Author:Hannah Capin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Inkyard Press
Published: 2018-11-16T17:10:03+00:00

True Life: My Internet Persona

Is Cooler Than Me

By Thursday, as in one day after the kiss heard ’round the world, everybody in the galaxy knows Henry and Cat are an item. They walk in together. They sit at lunch together. And they make out in the doorway of the journalism room before our regular class block instead of just the after-school session.

While this last bit takes place, a sizable audience sits at the classroom tables and doesn’t pretend to look away. I’m pretty much expecting applause when Henry finally detaches himself.

“Damn, Cat, moving on up,” says Eustace when she walks by our table to get to her seat.

She has the decency to blush, which is surprising.

“Settle down,” Mr. Lee says. “We’re having a slight emergency in the yearbook arena—”

“Breaking,” three of us cut in.

“Understood. But I’ve got to run to the vendor, and I’m leaving Ms. Parr in charge—”

Somebody does an obligatory wolf whistle.

Eustace grins. “Watch out. Henry’s got a thing for guys who have a thing for his girlfriends.”

Everybody oohs.

“Breaking,” I say. “Useless Chapman reaches new levels of tastelessness; scientists determine he is genetically identical to the smallpox virus.”

“Breaking: Cleves is just jealous that Henry wants a piece of the editor-in-chief instead of running back to her.”

I’m very, very over Eustace at the moment. “Breaking: Cleves punches Useless; ‘thank you,’ sources say.”

“Breaking: I’m leaving, and when I get back you comedians better have tomorrow’s stories submitted.” This last contribution is Mr. Lee, who’s literally backing out the door.

We all stare at Cat.

“You know what to do,” she says. “I’m available if you need input.” Then she disappears into the office, which should really just have MS. PARR etched into the door at this point.

“So,” Eustace says when the din gets loud enough that our table can have a semi-private conversation, “Cat’s climbing. We know that. But why did Henry ask her out?”

“Blackmail,” I tell him.

“Is that going on Dead Queens?”

“As soon as it’s fact-checked.”

Hans flips a page on his list. “It’s weird, though. She’s nothing like Katie.”

“And she doesn’t have sex-eyes like Anna,” says Eustace.

“Or a once-in-a-generation triple threat of fashion expertise, extreme hotness, and glamorous Ohio appeal,” I add.

“Time out,” says Christina. “You’re overthinking it. Henry can’t keep it in his pants. It’s that simple. He was going to ask me out when Jane moved.”

I side-eye her. “I’m going to need a source on that.”

“Parker Rochford. She had that going-away party for Jane—”

“Rochford chased Jane out on purpose,” says Eustace.

I give up on my Ledger op-ed and log into Dead Queens. “Parker got Jane’s dad a job in Illinois? That’s a stretch, but okay.”

“Jane was going to stay with one of her horseback-riding Girl Scout buddies for senior year,” he says. “But then all of a sudden, she and Parker are best friends and bam, Jane’s moving after all.”

“Anyway,” says Christina, “Parker dragged me into a corner and said Henry was going to ask me out. She was flipping her shit about how I had to say no, even though there was already no way I’d say anything else.

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